We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
