I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
