Im at strip club and am horny
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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