you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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