GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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