she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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