Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
