Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
