I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
