my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
