im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
