I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
