Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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