I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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