So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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