this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
