She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
