I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
