I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I would ride that face into the sunset
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
