I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
