i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
