ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
