no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
