Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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