This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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