i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
