As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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