And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
