he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
