Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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