On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
