before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
