Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
