remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
