There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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