I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
