and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
