if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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