im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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