bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
