Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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