Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
