If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
