I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
