Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
