I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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