I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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