Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
