So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
These tits shall not be calmed
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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