You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
