I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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