mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize