Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
