I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
