when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
