It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
