is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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