I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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