there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
