Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
