she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
