ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
