there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
