So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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