you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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