8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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