genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
